OUTSIDE LINKS   Stale Urine's The Third Rail THE THIRD RAIL Malefactored by Pete Pantelidis, under the omnipresent, scrutinizing eye of Christopher A. Zagrodny [sic] (who wasn't even there) There are at least two other recipes for drinks called "The Third Rail," but we've never met a bartender who knew how to make them. On the other hand, ginlifters all across this great land know how to make this version. This is the rare drink that has an actual purpose, rather than just being another variation on the same old theme. The Third Rail is a high-alcohol drink that goes down fast and easy. And yet it looks and sounds damn impressive. The drawback to The Third Rail is that the ingredients are not common in all areas. Bars in the sad city of Philadelphia, for example, often do not carry anything over 100 proof. Substitutions, though leading to a less-than-official drink, are part of the developing culture of The Third Rail. Recipe The drink is created as follows-- A shot of Gold Label Southern Comfort (100 proof) will be added to a pre-warmed glass (a short glass if possible) along with a shot of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum and a shot of Firewater 101 (the final rail). The drink is not to be mechanically assimilated, but allowed to be mixed by osmotic action only. Next, an olive is to be impaled, via a toothpick inserted orthonormally to its pimento "eye." The olive/toothpick construction should be oriented such that said olive is not immersed within the body of the drink. The drink should now be warmed using a candle or gas light. The olive should be placed between cheek and gum, and portions of the fruit should be used to "chase" each swallow of the drink, carefully rationing each bite. To fully savor the medley of flavors in this delightful concoction, it is crucial that no foreign beverages or foodstuffs are consumed within 2 minutes before or after the taking of "The Third Rail." A further clarification: The skin of the olive should only be compromised once, to give the appearance of an impaled eye. Vouchsafed by Peter G. Pantelidis and Michael D. Benedetti Two drinks that might ready one for consumption of this beverage are the Flaming Dr. Pepper and the Suffering Bastard. Warning It is easy to underestimate the power of The Third Rail. Take a good, long break between drinks to keep from making yourself sick. With a little practice, you should be able to drink The Third Rail in two swigs, in under a minute. Substitutions In the most generic terms, a Third Rail is made of one shot of cinnamon schnapps, one shot of whiskey, and one shot of rum. The higher the alcohol content and the more pungent the flavors, the better. Bacardi 151 is often substituted for Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum. The olive can be replaced with a cocktail onion or cherry. If worse comes to worse, you could get by with a small citrus wedge. The toothpick can be replaced with a cocktail sword or coffee stirrer. The Third Rail is seldom, in practice, heated over a flame. Only a very irresponsible bartender will let you play with candles.