Incident 5: TIPS
Time: 3-4 minutes
DUDE and HAT MAN approach the lamp. HAT MAN turns it on. Weapon is still aimed at DUDE’s torso.
Jim. (commanding, with thick accent) Story!
(DUDE acquiesces and motions for HAT MAN to sit down. HAT MAN sits in the front row. At first, he continues to "cover" the DUDE, but since JIM and MIKEE play music throughout this section, he should stop doing this as soon as the DUDE has diverted the audience’s attention with the story.)
DUDE.
Captain Mikee began supporting himself financially at the age of five, when he took a job as a saloon singer. The job, at an establishment that catered to the dockside crowd, promised plenty of food, a sleeping space underneath the bar, and whatever tips he could pull in.
His first day as a saloon singer was stressful but exciting. By the second day he
understood what his audience of fishermen, sailors, and longshoremen were looking for, and he felt confident that he'd soon know how to give it to them.
On the third day he met Ben, another young employee of the saloon, who worked as a serving boy. Though only a little older than Mikee, Ben was a skilled worker, as good a groveller as any on staff. His preferred pastime, to the best of Mikee’s knowledge, was torturing Mikee. On that third day, Ben stole Mikee's tips from the first two days, beat him with a chair, and spat on him.
On the fourth day, Ben fouled Mikee’s sleeping space, encouraged the audience to heckle him, and threw his shoes into the fire.
On the fifth day, Mikee considered complaining to the owner of the saloon, but he
realized that Ben had seniority and that if the owner was asked to resolve the problem
he’d do so by firing Mikee. On the sixth day, when the saloon had closed for the night, Ben held a knife to Mikee’s temple and forced him to eat a dead rat, then stole the tips that Mikee had accumulated since the last theft. When Mikee went outside to vomit, Ben locked the saloon door, leaving Mikee to sleep in the street.
On the seventh day, Mikee considered killing Ben, but realized that Ben was bigger, stronger, and a more experienced fighter.
On the morning of the eighth day, Mikee went to the docks. Crowds of people walked by. Folks were unloading boats, buying fish, coming ashore, and going to sea. Two seamen approached Mikee.
(MIKEE and HAT MAN enter. HAT MAN, DUDE, and MIKEE enact the following scene. MIKEE and HAT MAN should be slightly stiff and unsure during this scene. It is possible that the DUDEs will be nervous enough that they do not have to do anything special to project this. If desired play up the comedy of this. HAT MAN should definitely keep his accent. Another possibility is for the DUDE to hand them note cards with their lines.)
DUDE. Like all men, they appeared to him very old, very large, and very dangerous.
Jim. "There’s a nice lad,"
DUDE. Said the cleaner of the two.
Jim. "I think this one deserves a little candy."
Mikee. "I do not care for candy so early in the morning,"
DUDE. Mikee said,
Mikee. "But I would be pleased to visit you gentlemen in your quarters this evening."
DUDE. "Clever lad," said the dirtier one.
Mikee. "Sadly,"
Dude. Said Mikee,
Mikee. "I must work till dawn at the White Horse Saloon."
Dude. Both men's faces fell.
Mikee. "But,"
Dude. Said Mikee,
Mikee. "There is a way. You gentlemen might send a messenger to the saloon with an order for food and drink. If the order were accompanied by a substantial tip, I would deliver the order to your quarters myself."
Dude. "Clever, clever lad," said the cleaner man.
(The Dude nods approval to MIKEE and HAT MAN, who exeunt.)
Dude.
That evening, while Mikee was up on stage beginning his second set, a messenger entered the saloon. He said a few words to the bartender, handed him some money, and left. A few songs later, Ben left the bar carrying an order of food and drink.
He was never seen again.
Light is turned off. All performers sing and play music in the dark for five minutes.
The End.